I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

Afterglow
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Pain is such a strong word

Wednesday, October 29, 2008 || Wednesday, October 29, 2008

*I just wanna post this in english and all.

I guess when it comes up to love, everybody gets hurt but,
Why does it even need to be so mysterious?
Why does it have to come with pain?
Why does it have to be so hard?

These thoughts came out of my mind when I saw a very good friend of mine doing everything he can just for the girl he loves (who is actually my sister) and I just don't know but it hurts me too inside. Somehow, I can sense his pain because obviously I can see his efforts not only for my sister but also for us, her family. I can see how he is just neglected and how he just feels hostility from my sister. Ack* It just sucks to be a spectator and I don't know why I have this overly pitiful kind heart that makes me cry even though I am not the one hurting. Moreover, what obviously made me pity him more is that when he said that, "Ayaw na ata sa akin ng ate mo." Aruyyy. That was like a big BOOM! for me. I know its a bit exaggerated but thats how I felt, an overwhelming pity. If you could see all his efforts, even though he was rejected and hurt alot of times, he still kept his love and stayed there for my sister but not again this time.

Oh! I don't know, I just feel so so much pity for him. Darn I hate crying, I guess all I can do now is pray for him. Pray that God would provide him because I know and the people around him that he is such a good person and lover.

-------------------------------

I feel so empty, again.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008 || Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Pakiramdam ko parang I lost track again of my life. Parang hindi ko nanaman alam kung anu yung gagawin ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano yung hinahanap ko. As in, I am practically clueless. Ayoko panaman ng parang EMO. Nakakainis kasi e, parang hindi mo kasi alam kung anu yung mafefeel mo and kung ano yung dapat mong ifeel. Kaya siguro parang ang hilig hilig kong uminom. Isa lang masasabi ko, It sucks bigtime. Kaya ayokong nag-iisa tapos walang magawa. Parang feeling ko, nag iisa ako sa mundo. Parang feeling ko, ang lungkot lungkot. Ayokong nagiisa, swear. Ayoko na ng ganitong feeling. Nakakaaning kaya. Yung parang lahat tinatamad ka, parang lahat ayaw mo gawin. Parang super wala kang motivation sa buhay. Inspirasyon/Motivation lang naman ang kailangan ko ngaun e, yung lang. Yung lang siguro, magkakaroon na ako ng way para maging masaya. :(

I survived the 1st semester

|| Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Alam mo rin nman siguro yung feeling na super pagod lahat lahat, yung tipong wala ayaw mo na pumasok dahil nahahaggard ka na sa kakaaral at lahat pa ng subjects mo buong araw (lalo na yung major) ay may quiz. Tapos nadiyan pa yung problema mo sa pamilya mo, sa lovelife mo na walang kwenta, sa mga kaibigan mong hindi mo na nakakasama tapos may problema pa. :)

Masaya ako ngayon kasi sa dinadami dami ng niranas namin na reports, haggard moments, araw na walang tulog at pagod sa pagaaral ay natapos na din ang isang first semester at sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon ay nakasurvive ako. Siguro isa pa sa ikinatutuwa ko kasi ako ay isang taong tamad at happy-go-lucky na tao. As in wala sa utak ko ang mag-aral ng mag-aral. Isa pa akong expert procrastinator. Kaya super masaya kahit hindi masyado mataas yung grades ko, im happy na makakapag 2nd sem pa ako tapos makakabawi pa kung sakali.

Ang final grade ko kasi nung inadd ko yung grades ko sa ELEAP tapos dinivide ko kung ilan yung subject ko ay 1.982 tapos ang cut off namin sa UST nursing ay 2. So, ayun im hanging by the cut-off pero ok na din kasi at least pumasa ako sa chemistry, kasi ang pinakagoal ko talaga ay ang mag second sem. :)

Syempre super thank you kay GOD kasi hindi niya ako iniwan throughout my whole sem. Kahit yung tipong gusto ko nang umiyak sa pagod na nararamdaman ko tuwing na stre-stress out ako. Binigyan din ako ni God ng pag-asa na magpatuloy pa sa pag-aaral ko kasi kahit papaano ay pasok padin ako sa cut-off. Ayun. Super salamat lang talaga kay GOD. woooo! THANK YOU LORD! I LOVE YOU! salamat ulit. So tayong lahat, advice ko lang naman ha, ay wag tayong mahiya na humingi ng tulong kay GOD, kasi nandito lang siya parati sa tabi natin, di lang siguro natin talaga napapansin kasi super busy natin sa buhay natin at sa ibang bagay. Always remember na NGUMITI, MAGDASAL at MAG-ARAL :)

English to Taglish

Sunday, October 19, 2008 || Sunday, October 19, 2008

Siguro nagtataka ka kung bakit biglang naging Filipino o Taglish yung pagsulat ko sa blog. Ayan ang sagot ko,

“Kung ako ay isang walang kwentang manunulat, english ang isusulat ko, para kahit anu anu ang sabihin ko hindi na nila mahahalata.. Kaya nga ako nagsulat sa tagalog para maintindihan ng mambabasa ang lahat ng sinasabi ko”

- Bob Ong

totoo naman hindi ba? para maraming makabasa at makaintindi, lalo na sa bansa natin ay mas maganda na magsulat ng tagalog. kung di ba namn kasi malupit itong si Bob Ong e, hindi ko siya susundin :))

Afterglow -- what does it mean?

Friday, October 17, 2008 || Friday, October 17, 2008

Yeap, you might me wondering why "afterglow" is my blog's name?
It goes like this, my dad and I were having a conversation in our balcony, then I saw on his phone AFTERGLOW, then i asked him.
"Daddy bakit afterglow yung pangalan diyan sa phone mo?"
then he replied and said,
"Anak, ganito kasi yan, yung afterglow ay yung nararamdaman mo pagkatapos ng isang pangyayari."

When he told me that, I came to realize that its like a really strong feeling that you can't forget and just get over. Its like having a really headaching hangover after a nice drink with friends. Thus, with those thoughts of afterglow I used it as my blog title, because my blog, for me is a sanctuary where I can reveal all my thoughts and feelings particularly the ones that I cannot forget.

Expectations

Thursday, October 16, 2008 || Thursday, October 16, 2008

A little blogpost won't hurt before I do my agenda for the day.

First of all, i don't know what to expect this day. I don't even know what to do. Will I give my trust to that person that I just got close yesterday? Is this really a chance for me to love again or a chance for get hurt again? which is which? Darn, I hate having these complicated feelings. I guess all I can do now is trust in God, because I know that with him everything will be okay. well, I read a fantastic quote that my friend sent me through text, it says "LESS EXPECTATIONS: LESS PAIN and NO EXPECTATIONS: NO PAIN, its as easy as that."

Anway, wish me luck! And also, take care to me & God bless.

Love lots,
Louielyn [Angel Tears]

Murmurs of my heart.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008 || Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Its been so long since I decided to write something in here. At the moment, Everything feels so random. Moreover, I am feeling that everything I do seems to go nowhere. Maybe there is something missing? Maybe I am expecting something? Maybe I need something? What is it? The only conclusion I have now is that I need a partner, a father figure since my real father left us. A person who would make me laugh, listen to me, make me smile, comfort me in my sorrow, protect me with all his might, and someone who will love me for who and what I am.

Oh well, who am I kidding? As if someone will have the guts to be with me and love me. Its as if I have a jinx in love that I can’t even find myself a good lover. To make things worse, everyone of my friends seems to have found their own prince charming but what about me? What will I become? Will I just be a wallflower waiting in vain while seeing everybody with their partners dance in the tune?

Labels: love