Afterglow
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I dreamed of a hurricane approaching me, I tried to use my knowledge of how I could survive the catastrophe. But, I don't remember if I was caught in it or if I managed to magically survive unharmed.

Then I looked up in the internet for it's meaning, and one interpretation caught my attention. It is stated that I maybe in a mental and emotional blunder, and somehow, that I was forced to do something that I do not like.

When I think about it, it is most definitely not my career, not it is with my family. It got me, I think it was my 'love life'.

I'm trying to pull myself together, and in the process I keep on depending on others. Though I like to be alone, I tend to entertain the thought that someone is waiting for me. So patiently, that the feeling of guilt starts to stir in me.

I am afraid that I might only use that person for my own well being. I'm afraid that I may not see that guy as someone that I can love and get intimate with. I am afraid of hurting that one person, because I believe that this guy isn't supposed to be treated like this.

I want to be whole. Before doing anything, before loving another person, I want to be whole. I want love myself making sure that no other man is involved. I just want to keep being independent, like the way I was a year ago. Before some jerk captured this maiden's pure heart. (okay lol)

And here is another issue,

I do not know if I was the greater jerk or he is. It gets me all confused.
I know I had a lot of faults, but I am sure that he was the reason why I became like that.

I was so nice back then,
I was so sweet.
I was so innocent.
I was so positive.

But then, all the hurt happened. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I was hurt, stressed and my pride was trampled. For a year and a month it was like that.
Until, I wasn't able to take the pressure of always being in a argument.
I wanted to be happy.
I wanted to be pampered.
I wanted to feel loved.
I wanted to feel that I was special.
I wanted to feel good about our relationship.

And until now, I want all those. But sadly, it's too much for me to ask.
I ended up being all too comfortable yet fed up. I wanted him to have a taste of his own medicine, but it seems that he cannot take it. Or maybe I was too harsh. But he was worse.
We couldn't make ends meet, and what I did took a deep toll on our relationship. In my opinion, I had an just explanation. But he just didn't see that, he left me alone in the middle of the night. And even that days after, he was able to watch me immerse myself in hurt. Is it wrong for me to think that he maybe he couldn't leave me like that. Or maybe he could give a few minutes to hug me, and say that he was sorry too. Was it too much? Was I too harsh? Was I too selfish this time?

But I was being selfless... too much back then... That I just can't... anymore...

And until this time, he can't seem to make time for me.

Dang this is too much, I need a cigarette break.