I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

Afterglow
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Hide and do not care

Sunday, October 26, 2014 || Sunday, October 26, 2014

Can't I just do that? Can I just hide?
Can I not face any consequences that life intends?

Maybe I could escape in my ideal and unrealistic world.
But...

I'm being a coward.
I need to step up, man (woman) up and face whatever life throws at me. It's just that I'm feeling so many things that seems to be wrong. Is it wrong? Can you really learn it? I don't know. I don't wanna know, I need that raw attraction. AND I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE.

With whom will I be that attracted again?! To just be so happy and awed at staring the person you love.

Seriously, I wish things would turn out okay.

Love and Lust

Friday, October 24, 2014 || Friday, October 24, 2014

Am I not being in touch with my inner sensitivity?
After 3 years of constantly having physical affection, I found myself craving for it now. And I think I'm in my end's wits.

I... I want physical affection. I want it badly, but upon reading and coming terms with a love story, I still kind of think and hoped that there would still be one for me.

But, I don't wanna be in a relationship anymore.
I don't wanna be tied up. I don't wanna be committed.
I am not ready.

But is this all that I really want?

I... I wanna be loved. I want to be stared at like I'm the only one in that person's world.
I would exchange all those physical affections for that stare, for those eyes that looks warmly at me. For the eyes that tells me that it loves me in that certain ethereal feeling even without words.

But, there's nobody. I can't even give my heart to just anybody. Is dating my answer? Can I really do it with that?

I'm tired of meeting new people and look for "prospects".

I just want to cuddle and watch movies.
Have meaningful and passionate sex.
Play video games together.
Enjoy the silence.
Eat together.
And just be contented with each other.

I don't like playing games, I'm sick of all this.